It may seem that there's not much opportunity at the church for us to give or serve or exercise our spiritual gifts. At the same time, I would advise against becoming "church-hopping Christians"—going from place to place in search of the "perfect" church, which doesn't exist.
We don't just leave one congregation for another when the going gets tough, whenever we hear something we don't like or are asked to sacrifice a little of our time and energy to help out. It's important to seek God for direction, and be obedient to however He leads. The fact is that some churches will be a better fit for us than others.
It's not a sin to switch, as long as you do so carefully and prayerfully—without being overly critical or condemning of the church you're leaving. You have the privilege and responsibility to find a fellowship that will be a blessing to your family, and that allows you to use your spiritual gifts and resources to be a blessing in return. Lewis's The Chronicles of Narnia Crossway. Click here for reprint information.
Read more articles that highlight writing by Christian women at ChristianityToday. So how do you know when it is time to move on — and how do you quit your church in a healthy way? Leaving a church can be a daunting process and identifying your reasons for moving on, can alleviate the distress and facilitate your departure. Are they God reasons, growth reasons, a change in circumstances, or irreconcilable differences?
Some people are required to move due to circumstances such a promotion, new job or other familial change or crisis. Finding a suitable church that is not only close to your new home, but also aligns with your beliefs and values, can help to settle you and your family into the new community.
In this case, a church may come on good recommendation. Alternatively, attending services and seeking out the pastors in a few churches can help with the decision making process.
What do people have the most problems with in churches that ignite a desire to leave? Aaron Loy 2 lists unhealthy reasons to leave your church. Hoping we can remain friends with them. I have four sons that are in the ministry two of them. He later remarried his wife became a piano and treasurer but that son we used to call him Mr. Showboat because he always wrote the Christmas play directed the Christmas play was all about him.
So I talked to The Man and resigned the church that night and recommended they load him in as their new pastor. This is so heartbreaking. Have you explained this situation to another pastor in your community? It sounds like you need a group of nearby leaders to help you walk through this season and give you objective advice. Do you think you could do that? Very brief but wonderful read.
I have been going to this church for over a year now. I was a new believer when I joined the church and thought the teaching was good. However, the more I studied the Bible the more I am realizing that my pastor is not being faithful to the word of God.
Teachings like repentance, godliness, righteousness, the return of Christ, judgemen are never tough in the church. Do you think this could be just a preference? And if not what will be the best way to approach my pastor?
When the pandemic started, in-person church had been inaccessible until recently. I was invited to a church and was initially excited as I would get to go in person. I am lost here, and in need of help and answers. Recently my husband and I moved from a baptist church we both grew up in.
The late Pastor we knew so well were replaced by his grandsons. Since then, the church felt like it has fallen. My husband and I were no longer learning anything, so we moved to another church of like-faith. That previous church is now cleaning out their members list, and a lot of people are confused. Is this right? What is a way these members who have been bound be a member of another like-faith church? My husband and I have gone to a local church for 10 years.
It is a requirement to officially join to do any sort of ministry. Our Pastor just recently retired and the assistant Pastor was voted as Senior Pastor. He is newly ordained and a sincere and passionate Christian man but very hard to follow his sermons. We feel we are lacking good and sound doctrine and not growing in our Christian walk.
They believe in replacement theology and that the kingdom is here now on earth. They also believe the church has replaced Israel. The teaching is subtle but it is there. We truly love the people at the local church but have not made any true friends. We feel on the outside because of not joining and some have made it known that it is frowned upon.
I prefer having a longer time of worship. But when I listen to sermons from another church they are passionate and I learn so much that I can easily apply to my life. All I can think to do right now is pray that God will speak to my husbands heart and also that God will give us both wisdom. Any thoughts welcome! Carey, I am the pastor of a small church. One of my members recently left angry he did this with the previous pastor and came back when I arrived.
I was advised to do this by someone in my denominational leadership. How would I go about crafting such a letter and delivering it to him without upsetting his wife who still attends our church and is still a part of our leadership board? The Bible tells us to submit to our husbands and that a house divided will not stand. Sounds like her leadership role is more important to his wife than her marriage and obeying the word of God. As her pastor I think you should point her to the scriptures that show this sister the order that the Lord has set.
Perhaps his abusive behavior is also directed towards his wife and the Lord does want us to be abused by another human being including our husband. Should she also follow him if he led her to satanic worship or criminal behavior?
No, she should not. We are to put God first and it sounds like the wife is doing just that. I hope someone else can offer a more helpful answer to Joshua who clearly is trying to show kindness and mercy in a highly sensitive situation.
Hi Grace, thank-you for addressing this issue head-on with kindness and compassion. I agree that God loves his children and wants to see them free from abusive situations. His love trumps rules. My thoughts are that any spouse can still have a heart of submission while being bold to make the right decision before God. Thank-you again and God bless you. Joshua, My heart hurts for the wife in your church. Regardless of what the conflict is about, she chose to stay in your local body for now.
Love her. Respect her. Pray for her husband. I believe prayer will get you through this. Sister, Sue. Carey, I think you missed one that is very important. Say Thank You. I pastor a church that has seen people come and go. But one thing that I would love from everyone who leaves is to say thank you for whatever it was that they learned or who they grew. If a member is missed, there has to be someone who calls them to find out what is happening in their life.
Someone to ask them out for dinner or coffee. No one should go ut the back door and not be followed. This is where I disagree. They are still there. Do sisters and brothers just let their siblings disappear without calling, stopping by, etc.? People are human. As someone who has done this over Covid.. Dont forget to also check on your people. The church also has a responsibility to give them a call once in a blue moon or send them a message just to check in and see how they are doing.
But never once got a call to check on me and my family to see how we were. It is difficult to leave a church as you continually wonder if your being hasty, loving, in Gods will, what are your motives, are you bored or bitter? Yet God always moves His people on — not too many people in Bible times stayed in one spot and the Disciples and Jesus moved around! I am currently in limbo between two churches. We had a wonderful church but then we moved.
We started going to a new church in the new town and I think we jumped into membership. Often we feel like we have to have that membership status to feel like we belong in a church. So we became members.
I have tried and tried to make it work but I just feel like I have been losing my connection with God. I kept feeling like I needed to check out another church in town so I finally got the courage up to go to a service. This church turned out to be so similar to the one we had to leave behind when we moved.
Over the last 2 months the guilt of leaving the church I just became a member of has really pulled me away from God. We did finally go back to the first church and today we went to the second church. Once again the second church feels right and now I know that this is the Church God is leading us to. Thank you for the advice on how to leave a church! It is very helpful and I believe I can leave the church and start fresh at the new church.
Thanks very much for your comment. Again thanks. God Bless! I also tried to join a work department but immediately opted out before the first meeting hoping it would hint I want to leave. God bless. My husband and I have been members of our church for 20 years. This is where we came back to the Lord and never looked back. This is where my son was delivered from homosexuality and is married both he and his wife are worship leaders, youth mentors and he has traveled to third world countries giving his transforming testimony.
My daughter was also pat of the worship team. It has come to a time now where we feel the blinders have been taken off our eyes and we started to question why have members realy left?
To the point that I contacted a few of the people who had left and that I trusted would be honest as to why. The majority of them said that there is a spirit of control and manipulation coming from the pastors.
That is what my husband and I had come to the conclusion of but wanted to be sure it was not just the enemy putting those thoughts into our minds. We tried to have a meeting with them to discuss certain things we did not agree with that were happening in the congregation and why people were leaving.
I want to leave quietly and peacefully. I can say I am grateful for all that we have learned and for how we grew day by day for 20 years. But we are no longer happy here we no longer feel comfortable we no longer can continue seeing the control and the manipulation that has taken place over the years.
The only one that has control over our life is our heavenly father and he is not manipulative, but loving and caring. Its not going to be easy as we leave so many beautiful people behind that love so so much which in turn makes us so very sad.
God bless…. The right approach was made to have a sit-down with the pastors. I will not doubt that at all. I am currently going through the same situation but I am still in limbo with staying or leaving because my wife has been there for years. Who tells that to their members? Right then and there I know what I have to do. Some things go without saying while other things do take a second opinion. This will definitely have lots of emotional conflicts…internal wars that could render one miserable each time the thoughts to leave flash through your minds.
In this life,good people die, we mourn them but we move on! Until you make a decision, you could remain frustrated for a long time.
Jesus said, I will never leave nor forsake you! Let me add some more, every pastor is a human with flaws! Do inform the pastor of your leaving! Just leave gracefully! I am in a similar situation. Would like to leave gracefully. We have informed the Pastor but would like to inform the congregation whom we love. Tomorrow is our last day but we wanted to bid goodbye to all Publicly so there is no ill will and speculation. Please reply ASAP.
We have prayed For many months, received counsel, met with Pastorand have a clear answer from God. Thank you. Thank you for this! There is no nursery staff, no one for her to grow up with. I know leaving will be difficult, especially talking our daughter away when so many people love to see her on Sunday morning, but our needs have changed and I think a realignment is long overdue.
We keep praying that we will find the new church home that god has waiting for us. This is the same boat we are in. We had started going to church about 2. I am involved in VBS in the summer and I have enjoyed it. My husband has not been a huge fan of this church and has not attended with us in several months.
I feel as if I have one foot in and one out and am trying to get out completely. I feel tremendous guilt. I have not connected with anyone deeply but do have friendly conversations and my children have gotten used to the routine.
We tried out a new church this past Sunday and my husband came along and he enjoyed it! I have not said anything to anyone as I have not committed to this other church yet and will go again this Sunday to see if it truly is a good fit. Any advice to get rid of this guilt?? Statistically, whether or not their father is a Christian is much more strongly determinative in whether the children remain in the faith, as opposed to a family where mom is the only real spiritual influence.
If there is a church the inspires your husband to want to be involved, jump in with both feet right away! Follow his lead, because your children certainly will — whether towards a church like church 2 or just away from it with church 1. Glad I found this article. My wife and I are struggling with the concept of changing churches. We have been a part of this church for many years and are actively serving. We live the teachi,g and the people here, but dissension caused by one of our members who left but years later continues to stir things up has divided our church body and many families have left.
At issue is our daughter, a freshman in high school and the desire to have her be a part of an active youth group. So, we consider changing to a church with more people our age and an active youth group. This article helps us to choose the right way should we decide to leave. If someone or some organization is killing babies that is definitely something to bring a protest against.
Therefore, what does the Word say? Do not kill. But you can save one here and there if you make the effort. Satan is the prince of this earth so fight him with love and kindness he hates that. Churches should definitely be doing both. On the contrary, churches should always be reaching out to everyone who sins — as that is all of us! I am in an area where some churches do both so very well. Saving people from making the sin of abortion is very hard, as a lot of jurisdictions make it illegal to hang around abortion clinics or leave pamphlets offering an alternative full of support.
The mopping up work of helping an abortion survivor through any regret and guilt, and of course offering them the forgiveness that is eternal life is a given for church work. Churches should be doing all of these as there are so many examples of Jesus telling people they were forgiven but to sin no more.
He was even tough on his own disciples when sinful words and actions raised their ugly heads. Being a part of a church is some hard work! I know there are some joys to it, but I attend a church of over people where it can be easy to get lost in the crowd.
I am also a part of the college ministry, and on Sundays, most people talk to people who look like themselves. I have seen many people leave there church and this becomes a part of their culture. When I was younger my parents would leave whenever anything got difficult in a church a divorce or argument with a member.
When I got to college I approached church the same way, only staying if I felt comfortable. I am very grateful for the church I attend now. As I grow into adulthood, my desire is to remain here and serve in whichever ways I can.
The last stone. For 1, years the first beast Rome kept the bible from being written so people could not read it. Now years later the second beast United States has kept the teaching about the Holy Spirit hidden from the world.
Tribulation will free the people with the teaching of the power and freedom of the Holy Spirit to everyone. The last days is the last battle to remove the church stone by stone as Jesus promised. The last stone is still standing. The economic crash will take the money away from churches.
The church is still collecting money from people for their service. Even those who see the problem in the churches are simply trying to rearrange the stones and collect money from the people for it. You are selling what GOD has revealed to you. You anger Jesus by collecting money or selling information GOD has freely shown you.
You show a complete lack of faith in GOD! You show a bad witness to the people you are supposed to guild by your witness! Jesus cursed the priests church for asking for money or selling things. HE sent the Holy Spirit. The church lacks faith and puts itself under a curse. Do not confuse priest with preacher, they are the same!
You can not charge for words the Holy Spirit has freely given. This is the stones that must be taken down! The Holy Spirit must be set free to guild with the full power. The antichrist ruled the priests. You can not rebuild or rearrange the stones. This is the revelation and power that will drive the Tribulation Saints. The economic crash will finally take the money from the church.
When gold is worthless the church is dead, and the antichrist is revealed. The antichrist controls the churches through the money. The last stone is the money. To ask for or even mention it is a sin and puts you under the power of the antichrist It is fear and lack of faith in the true GOD.
The priests lacked faith and were controlled by the antichrist through their fear. The priests action actually taught the people to sin, by their actions. They were to lead by example. Your works reflect your believes or lack of believes, and is the most powerful teacher. People today feel guilt and shame if they are poor and have no money to support the church.
A poor person gets treated better going to the local pub, someone will likely even buy you a beer. God woke me last night and had me write this down, I wrote as He spoke. May God bless and lead you. Thank you so much for your post. I searched the internet for some suggestions on how to withdraw my membership and finally found your article! I was a member of my former church for over 25 years, in fact, I met my husband there. Over the last several years, I felt very disconnected and unhappy.
After a time I felt such a void in my life and I started going to a small church close to my home that my friend introduced me to years before. The congregants were so warm and friendly and the pastor and one of the elders reached out to me on a regular basis.
Bonus, I have made some amazing friends and sisters in Christ. I decided I wanted to become a member but my son corrected me and told me I would need to withdraw my membership from my previous church prior to doing so.
My husband has decided to leave as well after years of the two of us attending different churches this has been an extremely difficult decision for him that he did not take lightly …I have been praying for unity in our walk with Jesus all this time. Thanks again for some concrete points on how to go about this. Am happy to read this post because l got baptised in living faith church in may and was oportuned to partake in the word of faith bible institute BCC And durin this program i got so many revelation including my career as a Commercial pilot.
So i was thinkin of how to accomplish this dream. Then i shuld leave winners chapel and attend christ embassy, i hav been contemplating on this but as read this post am so hapy and the vision is very clear now.
I just want advice and prayers. I am a 63 year old recently re-divorced retiree and started going very small church about a half an hour away. I had formally been involved with a church I did not find was Bible based but had a lot of activities and things to do.
However as of lately the pastor has had ongoing illnesses same with his wife and they are getting more and more self-absorbed. The sermon is now about the update on his condition and less about Scripture. I really miss all the fun and potluck suppers from my old church but I hear things of changed over there as well as the Pastor has left. Am I wrong for leaving this church? I feel guilty as he is currently down to about 20 members.
Apparently there have been other issues before he got sick. Any advice? We are called to love one another. We are supposed to pray for others. Whether we know them personally or not. The word says to pray without ceasing.
Or to explain what makes their church special. I also dont want to offend any members or put down the church Im considering leaving while doing so..? I attended to a church were pastor was equally with his own family then I went to another were I still attend and he had some type of favor with family members and they were pastor wife family as much as I ignore that zipp it bothers me because they are in ministry also they have this friends who always fight and we complain of them and our pastor say that they are people who polish brothers character with is biblical.
Have my own job and place. It bothers me cause I think is unjust is like family gets meat and none family gets beans. I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Robinson buckler for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine.
I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast.
Three days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 6 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. We all need Christian fellowship, Biblical teaching, and spiritual worship. The ideal is for every Christian to settle in somewhere with good Biblical teaching where he or she can grow in Christ alongside fellow believers whom they can minister to and who will provide mutual encouragement along the way.
Unfortunately a Church can promise that at the beginning and not really provide you with that in the long run. Things happen. In retrospect, that was the sin, not leaving when things finally got so bad we had no choice but to bail.
God bless and guide you,. Paul Race. Then I saw an article from a respected Evangelical resource explaining that:. Of course, if this describes your average church member, that points to issues bigger than the scope of this article. The irony is that churches change.
But the people who are in the most danger from this innocuous-sounding plea to consider putting the present needs of their church ahead of the long-term needs of their family are the ones who are in the most danger of making decisions that will hurt their family in the long run. You are, hopefully in conjunction with prayer and Godly counsel from someone who is objective enough to give you good advice. Run, do not walk. All material, illustrations, and content of this web site are copyrighted c , , , , , , , , , by Paul D.
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